If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize