Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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