put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
