so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
