We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
