so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
