Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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