Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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