so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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