some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
