I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
