I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
