ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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