she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
