Welp...herpes.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
