I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
