Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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