Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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