I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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