a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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