just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
soo... how was my night?
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