I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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