Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
