I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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