the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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