It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
