To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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