White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
handjob tips. give me some.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
