You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
