it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I need a beard to bite.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
