i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
