His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
