Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't deserve a penis
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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