walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
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all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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