so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
