Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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