Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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