ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
