Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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