They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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