my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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