That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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