I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
