my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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