Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
