It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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