i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
