Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
