I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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