I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
