My liver just broke up with me...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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