i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
40s are totally the cure
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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