Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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