i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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