wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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