just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
