Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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