I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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