Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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