I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
