You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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