Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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