Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
