If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He shit in the fireplace
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
