Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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