At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
