____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
