i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
