were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
