I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
