living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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