I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
