I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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