dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize