This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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