Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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