I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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